Funny Poems for Kids - Explore The Wild & Wacky!

Two mothers were called
to school yesterday
Their boys had been terribly bad
Saying mean things
to be the'Cuss-Kings'
and prove who's the naughtiest lad

The first one had said,
“Your mama's so fat,
she walks into town wearing heels,
but back from the shops,
they're flattened flip-flops.
Try buyin' her shoes made of steel!”

The other bad child
had cussed in return,
“Well yours gobbles so many chips -
she bends down at night,
her bum blocks the light,
and causes a lunar eclipse.”

The head told the mums
it had to stop now
or both of them would be expelled
Then grabbing at hair
the wrestling pair
of mothers threw punches and yelled

From head-lock one slid
and landed a slap
then pointed the finger of blame,
“Your son is so thick,
his brain is a brick.
He can’t even spell his own name.”

“Zip it you witch!
Your boy’s the fool.
It’s plain to see mine is much cooler.
Too dumb to count sheep,
the length of his sleep,
YOURS tries to measure with rulers!”

“Well your furry brat
looks like a baboon.
You should have called him Wolverine.
But do not despair -
He won't need to wear
a costume when it's Halloween.”

“You're one to talk,
look at your kid -
a tramp with the hair of a mop.
Trousers too tight.
Nothing looks right.
Does he dress at the charity shop?”

“At least his hair's clean,
and not full of grease,
or dripping with slimy, thick goo,
or flaking with scabs
and stench of kebabs.
You ever tried using shampoo?”

Headteacher jumped up
He’d had enough
And spoke with the two boys outside
The three of them knew
just what to do -
A punishment must be applied

So panting, the mums
were marched to a room
"The next time, I swear it's suspension.
Now nose to the wall!"
the headteacher bawled
and gave them two hours detention

Eventually
he set the mums free
Their sons had a final surprise,
"Enough with the tears.
You're grounded all year!
Now shut up and dry your black-eyes."

"You're such naughty girls,"
both children spat.
"Yor brain's gone insane in your head!"
"Cussing is bad."
"And I’m telling dad."
"Now get yourselves straight home to bed!"

That night the boys sent
each other a text
Discussing their cussing campaign -
"It went well 2day."
"I’ll C U at play."
"And we’ll start it all over again."

©2009 Mark C Bird

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